STATE OF DESPAIR

STATE OF DESPAIR 15th May 2008

I’m in a state of despair. It could have been the last day of my stay in KSA. But things went wrong and I had to extend. Life is always full of surprises. I guess it always has been full of surprises when the best laid out plans seem to go for a toss after a small cause we forgot to take care of. The first big change was announced when my boss mailed me and asked me to come back to India on 15th May couple of week before. I have got official consent and it seems that my project works come to an end in another week. I will be back in India which means my dry days come to an end.
Life starts from scratch again. Four months back, I came with a lot of questions to KSA. A bit scared, apprehensive and confused. My first major project outside India with no friends and certainly not on familiar grounds. Although I must agree it has been a wonderful experience so far but then as I said, life is full of surprises, experiences only counts if it gets appreciated by your organization, your management.
I was all set to fly back to India. But unconsciously, some scrap mess up went on which I could not thought of. I have been accompanying with 2 colleagues from other SBU of our organization. Contractually I am obligated to report them and work with them. I knew this was a good platform to learn as much as I can. I explored myself with great extends but adding responsibility put me in trouble. My soft spoken and soft behavior becomes the reason of this mess up. My cordial cooperation was misused by my colleagues. When it’s come to profession, it always said that trust everything but believe no one. I do remember Chanyakya’s word “Straight trees cut first “. With good faith I went on fulfilling the projects needs and wanted to wind my responsibility as quick as possible. But unknowingly I made few mistakes which professionally considered as a blunder. Now to come out of it, I was asked to stay back.
Yesterday night when we were outing after dinner, I could not share my disappointments, wins and loses, tears and smiles and a lot more to experiences with my extended virtual family here; which I have extended myself with my professional colleagues and maintaining good relation among all. I had been always trying to be nice with them. Since last 3 months 4-5 employee visited our place for various official assignment and gone away. The day before their departure, everybody used to share their joy of going back and worthy shopping. Every after 15, 20 days a new member was to come to our family and gone away without influencing much to fraternity.
It was known to me now, uncertainty always played with me. Today morning 9.30 am I called up my boss to confirm finally about my departure. Boss was busy in the meeting in India. He asked me call me back after half hour. By that time sun was at the top of sky in India. My flight was scheduled at 10 pm and by any means I have to reach the compound by 4 pm so that I could arrange my packing and reach to airport well advance in time. I had hardly a 3 hrs to take final decision. I was struggling with my feelings .My mind was going blank and then it just becomes a bout of depression unless and until I pull myself out of it.
My quitting from the site was not official; I have not got any official consent from client side to leave the site. Finally by 10.30am, I have final word my boss and agreed to extend my stay by another week. He suggested me to sort out all the mess which put me in official trouble and then fly back.
Somehow I managed to postpone my air ticket well within time without paying any penalty.
I will have to stay one more week. For better or worse, only time will tell. The fear of the unknown scares me a lot but then after a point I would stop thinking about it.
But then again life has become too harsh. Its time for the Not Normal!

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